Mar 16 2012

Unbound

My last post about Lazarus reminded me of this poem I wrote several years ago…a good time to revisit these thoughts…may it bless the reader.

 

“Wind the gravecloths, bind them fast

If you need more, recall your past.

There’s lots of ways that you can die

Give up, lay down, refuse to try.

 

Here, pass the cloth, I’ll help you out

I’ll make the knots secure and stout.

Around the head, the eyes, the ears

I’ll block out all except your fears

 

Come on with me, I’ll show you where

your life can end without a care.

No need to fight, a few steps more

I can already see the door.

 

Too bad He did not come in haste

He must think you’re an awful waste.

He isn’t coming, He’s done with you

Here is the entrance, just step through…

 

Lay on the slab, now fold your hands

It’s dark, I know, but that’s the plan.

You aren’t cut out for life, it’s true

It’s simply much too hard for you…”

 

And on, and on, and on, and on…

until my strength was almost gone

the lies came fast with urgent glee

and I….I cried….and I agreed.

 

Entombed, I lay all on my own

Against the entrance rolled a stone.

The time had passed, He had not come

Like Lazarus, my life was done.

 

Then cutting through my thick despair

a Voice I love beyond compare

echoed within the walls around

Oh, how my heart leapt at the sound!

 

Come out, come out,

I am not done

Unwind the bindings,

See the sun!

 

Come out to Me,

I love you, friend,

You’re not forgotten

It’s not the end;

The days feel like eternity,

I know, dear one, but trust in Me.

My heart is grieved, I also cry,

I do not sleep, I cannot lie

 

I have a plan, I’m never late,

although sometimes you’ll have to wait,

for I will make My glory known

’til strongholds lie all overthrown!”

 

And I came out, into the Light

the rags of death still holding tight

Until He spoke to friends I know

“Unbind the cloths, and let her go”

 

And now I stand as one set free–

He spoke the words of life to me.

Do you lie wrapped in graveclothes too?

He’s at the door, He weeps for you.

 

Wait on the Lord, He’s on His way,

Hold on, hang tight, press in and pray;

He hears your every need and care

He knows what’s best, and He’ll be there.


Mar 7 2012

Crushed

Sometimes the enemy, he wins a round.

Almost always, I am sitting quietly, enjoying the view from my mountaintop, wondering why more people don’t choose this bliss, when the lies begin.

Slowly at first, sliding down around me softly as I whistle a happy tune, I don’t even notice them.

real change is impossible, you know they whisper. you’re never going to get where you want to be.

Oblivious, I swat at them absentmindedly, little buzzing flies.

your past…it is full of error. you’ll never change, you can’t. God doesn’t really plan to use you.

Larger, and faster they pelt me, weighing me down before I realize what is happening.

you’re really kind of a failure they taunt. what do you have to feel so good about? Look around! Nothing you have done really matters.

Suddenly it’s a full-scale avalanche.

THERE IS NO USE TO ANYTHING. GIVE UP, GIVE UP NOW. BEFORE YOU MAKE THINGS WORSE.

The boulders bounce, calculated to crush and destroy.

HYPOCRITE. FAILURE. IDIOT. HOPELESS. DELUSIONAL. FOOL. GOD IS NOT BIGGER, HE IS NOT BIGGER, HE IS BIGGER FOR EVERYONE ELSE BUT YOU, YOU ARE THE EXCEPTION, YOU ARE THE ONE HE CANNOT HEAL, YOU ARE THE ONE HE CANNOT DO ANYTHING WITH. THE ONE. THE ONLY ONE. AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT. IT’S ALL, ALL, ALL YOUR FAULT. ALL OF IT. 

And just like that, I am buried.

AND IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY, BECAUSE THE LIES, THEY ARE NOT JUST LIES, THEY ARE COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT.

AND I WILL SAY IT AGAIN BECAUSE IT IS THE TRUTH, THE TRUTH, THE GOD-HONEST TRUTH, EVEN IF IT IS MYSELF ALONE WHO NEEDS TO HEAR IT: THEY ARE BULLSHIT.

BULLSHIT.

BULLSHIT, SATAN. BULLSHIT. I CALL YOUR BLUFF.

And because God the Father knows I am dust and has compassion on me in my frailty and is mighty to save, because He takes great delight in me, He quiets me with His love, even under the rockslide of BULLSHIT. Even though I sat there and let it bury me. Even though so much of my life is failure, day in and day out, He loves me. He has a plan.

Even when everything around me is shaking with the force of the enemy’s wrath, even when all seems lost and nothing seems worthwhile, He is up to something.

Even when all hell breaks loose.

It breaks loose so I can break free.

Because He is good, though the battle is lost, the victory is mine.

Habakkuk 3:17-19
Psalm 103:13&14
John 8:44